Showing posts with label dying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dying. Show all posts

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Seal the hushed casket of my soul

The other night I had a dream I was dreaming. Or was it I dreamt I had a dream I was dreaming...

It doesn't matter. I was dreaming. An ordinary dream in which I was kicking some zombie butt when suddenly my dream self realized I was dreaming. It's not the first time this has happened. I've been a lucid dreamer since I was a child. What was interesting about this particular lucid dream is that not only was I acutely aware of the fact that I was dreaming, but that my dream self had powers my corporeal self does not. I'm talking about the ability to bend the rules of physics! Of course, it's nothing new. People have been flying, breathing under water, & falling from great heights without dying (trust me, it happens to me all the time) in their dreams since, well, since people began dreaming, I suppose. But what struck me was how rational my dream self was about the whole thing.

My thought process went something like this: "It's ok, I've had this dream before. These zombies can't hurt me; they aren't real." So, instead of kicking more zombie ass, I went fishing. And in my dreams I take a whole body approach to fishing, which means literally entering the water & swimming with my prey. In essence, I became a fish. I won't go too much into what fish traditionally represent in dreams (the unconscious, fertility, sex, religion, to name a few), instead I'll tell you what dreaming of fish (& being a fish) means to me.

Fish have long been recurring motifs in my dreams (as well as zombies, vampires, snakes, water, & school). They have also been motifs in my recurring dreams (I have dozens!). I have no doubt as to why these motifs surface so frequently. I spent a great part of my childhood fishing & swimming, watching horror movies, & of course, attending school. What interests me is my dream self, a self that is so obviously like me but is not me. I am not always conscious that I am dreaming, but more often than not, I find myself inhabiting a world that is completely within my control. In my dreams, I can do anything. Be anything.

So, how about you? What do you dream about? How often do you dream? Do you dream at all? I'm dying to know.

...

On a Dream
John Keats

As Hermes once took to his feathers light,
    When lulled Argus, baffled, swoon’d and slept,
So on a Delphic reed, my idle spright
    So play’d, so charm’d, so conquer’d, so bereft
The dragon-world of all its hundred eyes;
    And seeing it asleep, so fled away,
Not to pure Ida with its snow-cold skies,
    Nor unto Tempe where Jove griev’d that day;
But to that second circle of sad Hell,
    Where in the gust, the whirlwind, and the flaw
Of rain and hail-stones, lovers need not tell
    Their sorrows—pale were the sweet lips I saw,
Pale were the lips I kiss’d, and fair the form
I floated with, about that melancholy storm.


To Sleep

O soft embalmer of the still midnight!
    Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleased eyes, embowered from the light,
    Enshaded in forgetfulness divine;
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close,
    In midst of this thine hymn, my willing eyes,
Or wait the amen, ere thy poppy throws
    Around my bed its lulling charities;
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
    Upon my pillow, breeding many woes;
Save me from curious conscience, that still lords
    Its strength, for darkness burrowing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
    And seal the hushed casket of my soul.

...

What post about dreams would be complete without Keats?!

...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Just when you thought it was safe to be dead!

I was 11 when I first watched Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988). My best friend & I sat in her livingroom & ate popcorn & drank pop & watched it over & over & over & laughed & laughed & laughed & cried & cried & cried. We also hung out with the cows in her barn & later checked out the Hustler mags her Stepdad kept between his mattresses, but that's another story (& trust me it's NOT as perverted as you think).

Return of the Living Dead Part II wasn't my first zombie flick, but it was almost as memorable. The first was a little known Z-grade classic called The Children, about a group of kids who become zombified after the school bus they're riding on passes through a mysterious fog. I was 8 & watched it with my Dad. For some reason I thought the children ate the adults when they hugged them (they don't, they burn them) & it was because of this movie that I was terrified to go into the shed. There was a lot of junk in the shed & consequently a lot of hiding places for the children, you know!

But Return of the Living Dead Part II. THAT one made me laugh pretty much from beginning to end. Good-bad acting, cheesy dialogue, blood, guts & brains galore! It was the day my love affair with all things slashy & trashy truly began. I've seen better zombie movies since (much better in fact), but it was crucial to my psychological development. If it weren't for movies like this, I wouldn't be the mentally deranged person I am today! I also wouldn't have this:



That's right. Return of the Living Dead Part II Original Motion Picture Soundtrack on vinyl. Framed. Oh hell yes, baby, can you dig it!

Besides arousing in me a feeling of total nostalgic bliss, this album is important because a) it was released in 1988 around the same time as the movie, b) other than a small hole in the cover itself, it's in near mint condition, and c) due to rights issues or some other damned thing, the soundtrack for the DVD is not the same as the soundtrack for the VHS. This puppy's rare. Ca-ching!

Thanks, Tom D. (Told you no one else would buy it!)

...

And for your viewing pleasure:




 ...

dying is fine)but Death
e.e. cummings

dying is fine)but Death

?o
baby
i

wouldn't like

Death if Death
were
good:for

when(instead of stopping to think)you

begin to feel of it,dying
's miraculous
why?be

cause dying is

perfectly natural;perfectly
putting
it mildly lively(but

Death

is strictly
scientific
& artificial &

evil & legal)

we thank thee
god
almighty for dying
(forgive us,o life!the sin of Death

...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

How like a corpse she looks in the dying of the light

There are times when I rage.

I rage against time, money, love, happiness, my child, the cat, the douche who almost ran me over with his monster truck, people who talk to me when I am clearly ON THE TELEPHONE, jujubes & jellybeans (ew!), gum on the bottom of my shoe, puppies & kittens, babies (yeah, I said it), world hunger, illiteracy, semi-literacy, and 'the machine.' I rage against bad grammar, bad manners, bad lovers, bad liars & bad livers. And I rage against the world, my life, my mind, and as Dylan Thomas wrote, 'against the dying of the light."

Sometimes I rage against nothing in particular. The most uncontrollable, irrational rage you can imagine. The kind of rage that makes me want to smash things and bite people's faces off. And laugh. And spit in their earholes. And vomit on them. And kick them in the back. And loose red ants upon them. And pluck out every one of the rotting hairs on their bodies one at a time. And ...

All because they cut me off with their grocery cart or squeezed the toothpaste tube from the top instead of the bottom.

The truth is I rage against everything. And most of the time it is in check. But there are those times my rage is as dark & red & cold & bright as 'the dying of the light.

Today was one of those times.

...


Thankfully, I began writing this just before the sun set.

















And what a beautiful sunset it was! It helped lift my spirits tremendously.


Thank goodness it didn't literally take my breath away. Otherwise ...

I think I'll make a pretty corpse


 ...

You may already know this one.

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

...